Listen Up!

I talk a lot.  It’s how I make a living – providing skill-building workshops, delivering keynotes and so forth.  And when I’m not in the classroom or auditorium with a PowerPoint clicker in my hand, I am probably on the phone or in a virtual meeting with a client talking about the talking that I will be doing for them shortly. 

Not only do I do a lot of talking, a fair amount of the work I do is centered around helping others attend to how they talk to people, or what they talk about.  It is fair to say that I am one of those people who “loves the sound of his own voice” and I have also come to also realize that my ego has a very high metabolism.  It needs to be fed regularly.  And my default is usually to try to capture the attention of others by engaging them in conversation or telling them a story. 

I have heard it said that a conversation is just one person waiting to interrupt the other person.  For the most part, we all just want to be listened to.  Perhaps the best gift we can give another person is the opportunity to let them be heard.  Just to listen.  And if I’m talking, I’m not listening.

Talking less and listening more.  There is a deceptive simplicity to this though.  It sounds easy.  Until the person I’m talking to starts telling me about a situation or a story I can really relate to.  I then find myself struggling to suppress my desire and interrupt with, “Oh, wow, I had a similar thing happen to me – let me tell you about it because it’s way more interesting as I’m in it…”

Yet when I have been able to hold back and just let the other person have the floor. When I’ve allowed myself to just be present and really, really listen – I have no doubt that those are the moments in which I learn the most.  And it was probably exactly what the other person needed most.  A good listening to. 

The reward to holding back, for simply creating the space for others to share can be significant.  Not only will I most likely be given more insights into the situation, but the person I’m listening to may feel really listened to.  Heard.  Seen.   

Thanks for listening.  Now let me tell you a story about the time…